Geared Four Fun takes on Johnson Valley
For many of us in G4F, running Sledgehammer in the famous Johnson Valley has been a personal goal. Several participants in our club have built their rigs with “The Hammers” as their personal pass/fail success gauge. On December 9th, 2006, fourteen of us got our chance.
Introducing the 2006 G4F Johnson Valley line up; (Let’s stir the pot, shall we?)
Russ (I can jump those rocks then smash that boulder. It’ll be easy.) Fichtelman
Steve (This ain’t sh#!, my wife could do it) Unwin
Matt (I take back everything I said about you and half of what I thought) Unwin
Ralph (…Whatever…look at these phone pics)
Mark (Screw with my dog…I’ll kill ya…Tell me to turn the wheel, operate the winch, keep it from stalling and listen to five spotters at once…I’ll kill ya)
Ang (Get to stackin’ bit#$, ‘cause I’m not taking a strap!) Cook (aka, clic-clack)
Tracy (Let me the he*! out of this Jeep now!) Parsons
Mike (Blessed sole, spreader of goodwill and always kind to small animals and children.) Parsons
Once again, Ham radios saved the day by directing the weary travelers to the camp from many miles away regardless of no cell phone service, being three miles from the main road and in total darkness. Of course after getting to camp we realized we were parked next to the teenagers from Mad Max and the thunder dome. I’m still not sure who to thank for that, Russ or Ang. Anyway, after locking everything up tight (Real Tight) we spent the rest of the night around the bonfire. Somewhere around 3 am the psycho teenagers called it a night and we were able to sleep.
First thing in the morning Russ led us to the Sledgehammer trailhead. We had seven jeeps to start and at the first big obstacle Jimmy in a green TJ Sahara couldn’t get his front ARB to work so he turned around and left it at the first wide spot on the trail. Steve Unwin followed along and brought him back to join the group without his Jeep. (G4F zero / Sledgehammer one). The first thing I noticed about Sledgehammer was the lack of chatter on the radios. Most runs require little thought and the radio is usually buzzing with bantering and idle chat. Not this time, most were studying the possible lines and concentrating. I was well aware that Angela said she had been to Sledgehammer five times with Mike Cook (In a very well built rig) and had broken bad enough twice so that she had to turn back.
Early on the trail Ang crawled over a section that was fairly tricky. It wasn’t difficult in a tip over way so much as wheel placement needed to be spot on (Unless you had 37’s… Russ) or you’d drop on to yer’ drive shaft and possibly end the trip. Not being able to lean out the window or pre walk it made it exponentially tricky for Ang. Well the MTR’s slipped and the little white rig landed smack on the saggy diaper. The stock saggy diaper hangs down about four and a half inches. When Angela’s skid pan hit that rock she gained about two inches of much needed ground clearance which she was fairly tickled about. This acceptance of damage is the main difference between mall Jeep people and true rock crawlers.
A few key placed rocks, got her off the rock but set her drive shaft on an equally menacing boulder which was rapidly chewing away at her rear diff yoke. Russ placed a rock in just the rite spot and she was on her way again. We experienced the first carnage and lost one vehicle and we weren’t even a ¼ mile into the trail, this was going to be a long day.
Discount Dave had told me earlier that week about a particular rock that was cut away so much that it was a sure axle breaker even with 37’s. The trick he said was to crawl up it at an angle to get your tires on it. Then get over it without rolling over, which he had seen many times. Russ was the first person in our group and he got over it with out any assistance (Bastard). I tried it next and got three of my four tires in the rite spot but at 40 degrees side tilt I chickened out and set up the winch. I tested the “tippy-ness” of my rig by putting one hand on my front right bumper. To my surprise I was able to move the Jeep a foot up or down with no resistance. Winching seemed to be the favorable option.
After I got over, Ang approached and before she could get lined up, Ralph her spotter and personal Cal Trans road builder threw so many rocks against the obstacle that she rolled right over it straight on! Mark and Harley rolled up next in the Samurai. I missed what happened but when I got there Mark was sitting sideways in the obstacle. I wasn’t alarmed because I’ve seen Mark take his Samurai through and over things that simply defy physics. At this point he hooked up his winch line to Ang so Mark could straighten out and do the obstacle. Then about five people became self appointed spotters with about ten different plans and the commands started pouring out of everybody’s mouths.
“Winch in”
“Winch out”
“Turn the wheel”
“Give it gas”
“Start it back up” etc…etc…
When Mark had enough, he very eloquently suggested that perhaps the steering wheel wouldn’t turn and that he was experiencing some mild frustration. Meanwhile Harley was nestled in Tracy’s jacket because “He looked cold”.
Russ appointed Steve tail gunner since we’ve never actually seen him break or get stuck (Even without a rear locker). Steve was at a major disadvantage. On this particular day his professional rock crawling wife Nora wasn’t able to attend. Steve would have to drive through all of the tough stuff himself this time and without a rear locker (Something Nora never needed). As tail gunner and one of our better spotters he would find himself at the front of the line helping here and there far away from his Jeep. I couldn’t help but notice he was having a blast not sharing the driving with Nora. After all, Sledgehammer was only a mile long and we had waited a year to build up for it. Then I noticed Matt (Steve’s dad) was crawling up the hill in Steve’s Jeep.
If you can imagine a good western movie where two guys square off in the street to fight a duel, when the camera does a close up of the gun fighters eyes. The concentration, the silence, the wind and dust, this is the feeling I got watching Steve see someone drive his Jeep up Sledgehammer. Steve is a menacing looking guy. He is well over two hundred pounds, six foot something and played rugby for fun. Not the kind of guy you want to see with this look in his eye. I’ve seen this look on occasion when the love of his life “Nora” cuddles up to him when were out to dinner and starts eating off of his plate. Anyway, Matt got the same pardon that Nora always gets and it was over. (Warning: Don’t eat Steve’s food or drive his Jeep)
At the Mailbox we ate lunch and had a small debate over where the end of the trail was. Russ said that the trail was virtually over and the exit was literally around the around the corner. Ang stated that we were only half way through. Around the next corner the trail was over. In Angela’s defense the trail did continue on for a very small spur but I don’t think any of us would have made it more than fifty feet with out some serious winching and damage (Russ included). The way out was up a steep sand hill that looked like lots of fun. Russ went up floored sending sand in every direction, I promptly followed doing the same Ang circled around the base sizing up what she hates, “SAND”. Then just like every other time I’ve seen her in sand she went up it with zero surprises in total control (And a very nervous look on her face). Tracy and I took Jimmy back to get what was left of his Jeep, we figured at least the tires would be gone but to everybody’s surprise the Jeep was untouched. We left Sledgehammer that day with a feeling of great satisfaction.
Back at camp, dinner came and went, the cocktails started flowing then the fireworks started appearing. At first it was a mortar here, a bottle rocket there. Then…the unruly neighbors showed up…Kyle was there leader. We hadn’t seen Kyle lurking around for a while (I figured he was in prison or maybe his group had buried him somewhere). But he was here now! He had a beer bong in his hand and he was asking me for some propane. I didn’t have any. Then he told me he forgot his rifle (Thank God! I’m thinking) but he told me he still had his shotgun (Shit!). He went on to explain that when the first mortar that went off in our camp it sent a scared dog flying into his camper squirting shit in every direction. He tried to catch the dog but that scared him more and the dog went into hyper-drive trying to evade Kyle the psycho looking neighbor. Now Kyle was getting pissed ‘cause the dog had shit all over him and his trailer because of the mortar from our camp and about that time another mortar went off and the whole process repeated.
Anyway, he was done cleaning dog pooh and he said he wanted in on the fireworks. He also filled in the blanks about needing propane and a rifle. To my relief he said he was merely going to make a pit, fill it with gas, light it, place the propane bottle in it and then shoot it for the explosion. Being a friendly 4WD club we helped him with the supplies he needed. I was sure to mention the plans to Ang who looked excited but begged for ignorance. I think she liked writing her article for SD Off Road Magazine under what can only be described as G4F tours Baghdad. One of our members we’ll call “Sp-ark” for reasons of anonymity, came up with a couple propane bottles. Another one of our members we’ll call “Sp-ikey” had a lead throwing devise, “??-russ” provided technical advise and “??-ralph” brought the gas. Two big booms later the party was in high gear! We made “Sobe-fire crackers”, launched butterflies from our hands, Russ kept the sky lit up with mortars but the neighbors were still looking for more action. So a game was created where all of the participants were given one bottle rocket a piece. They were to stand around the bon fire for a three count then on three they would stick their bottle rocket in the fire until the fuse lit then launch it by hand at the first person you see. This was a big hit with the unruly bunch next door, in fact they liked it so much they repeated it several times. Ralph at one point impressed us all when a rogue bottle rocket zoomed for his head he performed a matrix move that defied time and space letting the scud bottle rocket miss its target and blow up outside of camp. Meanwhile Mike Parsons was in his RV reading the bible, praying for the hungry children of the world and minding his own business. When the fireworks ran out the psycho neighbors left and we all thought the fun was over. We were wrong…way wrong!! It seemed that the drunken neighbors had just got started. We were sitting around the bonfire winding down when we saw the first M-80 fly into our camp. Someone yelled incoming and we scattered! It went off with a deafening boom. Mark looked for his dog. I tried to locate the insurgents to no avail, none of us could see after watching the fire. Blind and under attack! Then we started taking more hits, I grabbed Tracy got her in the RV. I went back out in the hot zone to help my friends who now had there backs to the fire watching for incoming attacks. The terrorist neighbors were sneaky, silent and very well armed. As our troops retreated to the safety of there trailers, Russ and I attempted peace talks with the neighbors who were now enjoying lap dances from two of the rough looking females in there group. Russ brought a plate of shrimp and cocktail sauce and we made our way through the neutral zone into the enemy’s camp. I mentioned that we had shrimp and all hell broke loose. Apparently the neighbors were not only drunk but they had a major case of the munchies. The plate was quickly devoured and a truce was called. Russ and I went back to our camp with the good news and hit the sack.
In the morning we went into Yucca Valley for breakfast then headed for home. The wind picked up very hard I’m guessing gusts close to 60 mph. The RV’s were tossed around quit a bit. Then a really big gust blew my RV’s canopy open. We stopped can to our surprise it was still attached. I strapped it down after getting nearly blown off the top of the RV. Next it was Russ who had a tire disintegrate and come completely of the rim sending it over an off duty cops windshield. We had it handled in about five minutes with the help of Russ’s air tools. We also discovered that a Jeep winch makes a heck of a trailer jack.
All in all fun was had by all, unforgettable good times were abundant and Sledgehammer was a huge success.
Sledgehammer 1 – Geared 4 Fun 6
A big thanks to Russ for leading the best run I’ve had since Devil’s canyon, to Steve for being a great tail gunner, to Ang for sharing her past experience on the trail and to all who were there for all the support good times.
Mike Parsons
Introducing the 2006 G4F Johnson Valley line up; (Let’s stir the pot, shall we?)
Russ (I can jump those rocks then smash that boulder. It’ll be easy.) Fichtelman
Steve (This ain’t sh#!, my wife could do it) Unwin
Matt (I take back everything I said about you and half of what I thought) Unwin
Ralph (…Whatever…look at these phone pics)
Mark (Screw with my dog…I’ll kill ya…Tell me to turn the wheel, operate the winch, keep it from stalling and listen to five spotters at once…I’ll kill ya)
Ang (Get to stackin’ bit#$, ‘cause I’m not taking a strap!) Cook (aka, clic-clack)
Tracy (Let me the he*! out of this Jeep now!) Parsons
Mike (Blessed sole, spreader of goodwill and always kind to small animals and children.) Parsons
Once again, Ham radios saved the day by directing the weary travelers to the camp from many miles away regardless of no cell phone service, being three miles from the main road and in total darkness. Of course after getting to camp we realized we were parked next to the teenagers from Mad Max and the thunder dome. I’m still not sure who to thank for that, Russ or Ang. Anyway, after locking everything up tight (Real Tight) we spent the rest of the night around the bonfire. Somewhere around 3 am the psycho teenagers called it a night and we were able to sleep.
First thing in the morning Russ led us to the Sledgehammer trailhead. We had seven jeeps to start and at the first big obstacle Jimmy in a green TJ Sahara couldn’t get his front ARB to work so he turned around and left it at the first wide spot on the trail. Steve Unwin followed along and brought him back to join the group without his Jeep. (G4F zero / Sledgehammer one). The first thing I noticed about Sledgehammer was the lack of chatter on the radios. Most runs require little thought and the radio is usually buzzing with bantering and idle chat. Not this time, most were studying the possible lines and concentrating. I was well aware that Angela said she had been to Sledgehammer five times with Mike Cook (In a very well built rig) and had broken bad enough twice so that she had to turn back.
Early on the trail Ang crawled over a section that was fairly tricky. It wasn’t difficult in a tip over way so much as wheel placement needed to be spot on (Unless you had 37’s… Russ) or you’d drop on to yer’ drive shaft and possibly end the trip. Not being able to lean out the window or pre walk it made it exponentially tricky for Ang. Well the MTR’s slipped and the little white rig landed smack on the saggy diaper. The stock saggy diaper hangs down about four and a half inches. When Angela’s skid pan hit that rock she gained about two inches of much needed ground clearance which she was fairly tickled about. This acceptance of damage is the main difference between mall Jeep people and true rock crawlers.
A few key placed rocks, got her off the rock but set her drive shaft on an equally menacing boulder which was rapidly chewing away at her rear diff yoke. Russ placed a rock in just the rite spot and she was on her way again. We experienced the first carnage and lost one vehicle and we weren’t even a ¼ mile into the trail, this was going to be a long day.
Discount Dave had told me earlier that week about a particular rock that was cut away so much that it was a sure axle breaker even with 37’s. The trick he said was to crawl up it at an angle to get your tires on it. Then get over it without rolling over, which he had seen many times. Russ was the first person in our group and he got over it with out any assistance (Bastard). I tried it next and got three of my four tires in the rite spot but at 40 degrees side tilt I chickened out and set up the winch. I tested the “tippy-ness” of my rig by putting one hand on my front right bumper. To my surprise I was able to move the Jeep a foot up or down with no resistance. Winching seemed to be the favorable option.
After I got over, Ang approached and before she could get lined up, Ralph her spotter and personal Cal Trans road builder threw so many rocks against the obstacle that she rolled right over it straight on! Mark and Harley rolled up next in the Samurai. I missed what happened but when I got there Mark was sitting sideways in the obstacle. I wasn’t alarmed because I’ve seen Mark take his Samurai through and over things that simply defy physics. At this point he hooked up his winch line to Ang so Mark could straighten out and do the obstacle. Then about five people became self appointed spotters with about ten different plans and the commands started pouring out of everybody’s mouths.
“Winch in”
“Winch out”
“Turn the wheel”
“Give it gas”
“Start it back up” etc…etc…
When Mark had enough, he very eloquently suggested that perhaps the steering wheel wouldn’t turn and that he was experiencing some mild frustration. Meanwhile Harley was nestled in Tracy’s jacket because “He looked cold”.
Russ appointed Steve tail gunner since we’ve never actually seen him break or get stuck (Even without a rear locker). Steve was at a major disadvantage. On this particular day his professional rock crawling wife Nora wasn’t able to attend. Steve would have to drive through all of the tough stuff himself this time and without a rear locker (Something Nora never needed). As tail gunner and one of our better spotters he would find himself at the front of the line helping here and there far away from his Jeep. I couldn’t help but notice he was having a blast not sharing the driving with Nora. After all, Sledgehammer was only a mile long and we had waited a year to build up for it. Then I noticed Matt (Steve’s dad) was crawling up the hill in Steve’s Jeep.
If you can imagine a good western movie where two guys square off in the street to fight a duel, when the camera does a close up of the gun fighters eyes. The concentration, the silence, the wind and dust, this is the feeling I got watching Steve see someone drive his Jeep up Sledgehammer. Steve is a menacing looking guy. He is well over two hundred pounds, six foot something and played rugby for fun. Not the kind of guy you want to see with this look in his eye. I’ve seen this look on occasion when the love of his life “Nora” cuddles up to him when were out to dinner and starts eating off of his plate. Anyway, Matt got the same pardon that Nora always gets and it was over. (Warning: Don’t eat Steve’s food or drive his Jeep)
At the Mailbox we ate lunch and had a small debate over where the end of the trail was. Russ said that the trail was virtually over and the exit was literally around the around the corner. Ang stated that we were only half way through. Around the next corner the trail was over. In Angela’s defense the trail did continue on for a very small spur but I don’t think any of us would have made it more than fifty feet with out some serious winching and damage (Russ included). The way out was up a steep sand hill that looked like lots of fun. Russ went up floored sending sand in every direction, I promptly followed doing the same Ang circled around the base sizing up what she hates, “SAND”. Then just like every other time I’ve seen her in sand she went up it with zero surprises in total control (And a very nervous look on her face). Tracy and I took Jimmy back to get what was left of his Jeep, we figured at least the tires would be gone but to everybody’s surprise the Jeep was untouched. We left Sledgehammer that day with a feeling of great satisfaction.
Back at camp, dinner came and went, the cocktails started flowing then the fireworks started appearing. At first it was a mortar here, a bottle rocket there. Then…the unruly neighbors showed up…Kyle was there leader. We hadn’t seen Kyle lurking around for a while (I figured he was in prison or maybe his group had buried him somewhere). But he was here now! He had a beer bong in his hand and he was asking me for some propane. I didn’t have any. Then he told me he forgot his rifle (Thank God! I’m thinking) but he told me he still had his shotgun (Shit!). He went on to explain that when the first mortar that went off in our camp it sent a scared dog flying into his camper squirting shit in every direction. He tried to catch the dog but that scared him more and the dog went into hyper-drive trying to evade Kyle the psycho looking neighbor. Now Kyle was getting pissed ‘cause the dog had shit all over him and his trailer because of the mortar from our camp and about that time another mortar went off and the whole process repeated.
Anyway, he was done cleaning dog pooh and he said he wanted in on the fireworks. He also filled in the blanks about needing propane and a rifle. To my relief he said he was merely going to make a pit, fill it with gas, light it, place the propane bottle in it and then shoot it for the explosion. Being a friendly 4WD club we helped him with the supplies he needed. I was sure to mention the plans to Ang who looked excited but begged for ignorance. I think she liked writing her article for SD Off Road Magazine under what can only be described as G4F tours Baghdad. One of our members we’ll call “Sp-ark” for reasons of anonymity, came up with a couple propane bottles. Another one of our members we’ll call “Sp-ikey” had a lead throwing devise, “??-russ” provided technical advise and “??-ralph” brought the gas. Two big booms later the party was in high gear! We made “Sobe-fire crackers”, launched butterflies from our hands, Russ kept the sky lit up with mortars but the neighbors were still looking for more action. So a game was created where all of the participants were given one bottle rocket a piece. They were to stand around the bon fire for a three count then on three they would stick their bottle rocket in the fire until the fuse lit then launch it by hand at the first person you see. This was a big hit with the unruly bunch next door, in fact they liked it so much they repeated it several times. Ralph at one point impressed us all when a rogue bottle rocket zoomed for his head he performed a matrix move that defied time and space letting the scud bottle rocket miss its target and blow up outside of camp. Meanwhile Mike Parsons was in his RV reading the bible, praying for the hungry children of the world and minding his own business. When the fireworks ran out the psycho neighbors left and we all thought the fun was over. We were wrong…way wrong!! It seemed that the drunken neighbors had just got started. We were sitting around the bonfire winding down when we saw the first M-80 fly into our camp. Someone yelled incoming and we scattered! It went off with a deafening boom. Mark looked for his dog. I tried to locate the insurgents to no avail, none of us could see after watching the fire. Blind and under attack! Then we started taking more hits, I grabbed Tracy got her in the RV. I went back out in the hot zone to help my friends who now had there backs to the fire watching for incoming attacks. The terrorist neighbors were sneaky, silent and very well armed. As our troops retreated to the safety of there trailers, Russ and I attempted peace talks with the neighbors who were now enjoying lap dances from two of the rough looking females in there group. Russ brought a plate of shrimp and cocktail sauce and we made our way through the neutral zone into the enemy’s camp. I mentioned that we had shrimp and all hell broke loose. Apparently the neighbors were not only drunk but they had a major case of the munchies. The plate was quickly devoured and a truce was called. Russ and I went back to our camp with the good news and hit the sack.
In the morning we went into Yucca Valley for breakfast then headed for home. The wind picked up very hard I’m guessing gusts close to 60 mph. The RV’s were tossed around quit a bit. Then a really big gust blew my RV’s canopy open. We stopped can to our surprise it was still attached. I strapped it down after getting nearly blown off the top of the RV. Next it was Russ who had a tire disintegrate and come completely of the rim sending it over an off duty cops windshield. We had it handled in about five minutes with the help of Russ’s air tools. We also discovered that a Jeep winch makes a heck of a trailer jack.
All in all fun was had by all, unforgettable good times were abundant and Sledgehammer was a huge success.
Sledgehammer 1 – Geared 4 Fun 6
A big thanks to Russ for leading the best run I’ve had since Devil’s canyon, to Steve for being a great tail gunner, to Ang for sharing her past experience on the trail and to all who were there for all the support good times.
Mike Parsons
posted by powerchuck at 3:10 PM
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